VILLAINS

VILLAIN deck = 60 cards in the deck

What the hell…another one? Man, if they don’t quit sending me these noobs…Ahhg…I’m too sober for this…AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHRG! Ok noob, I’m gonna give it to you fast and dirty so listen up! Don’t tell me who you are ’cause I don’t care. I go by Drippin’ Jimmy… Somethin’ funny kid? Yeah, I got water powers, why did you think they call me that? Anyway, you musta pulled some kinda job that got you noticed by us and somebody sent you to me to get sorted out.

So, first things first, we’re the bad guys, you know, the evildoers…the Villains. That’s what society calls us anyway but really, we’re just people who do what we want. I mean, think about it…why should I obey a law made up by Senator Whogivesacrap? How does it benefit me? What if it conflicts with what I think is best for my life? So we say, “Screw That!” We don’t obey nobody’s laws but our own (if we even have any). See, society wants you to THINK you’re free, but really, they want to restrict you with their laws so they can control you, but over here, we don’t let anyone else tell us how to live our lives, what we cant do where we cant go…nah…we have complete freedom over here. REAL freedom.

Now, of course, that freedom comes at a cost. there are whole agencies set up just to stop you from livin’ yo best life. Government networks designed to stop you, contain you and even, get this, REHABILITATE you, so you can now become a functional cog in their machine. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the Heroes. You know, those guys hate us so much, they work for FREE! Anyway, that’s rule number one…do what you want. It’s a great rule but as you may imagine, it sometimes brings us into conflict with each other. For instance, what if I wanted to rob yo Momma but Wifebeater Will wanted to rob her too? According to rule number one I can’t stop him, cause I gotta let him do what he wants but at the same time that rule applies to me too so he can’t…what’s that look for? Oh, You don’t want nobody robbin’ Momma huh? Relax junior, if the biddy’s smart, she wont get hurt, she’ll just have a few less dollars in that purse is all. And hey, you can just rob a bank or somethin’ and give it…well some of it…probably a little piece of it to your mom! She’ll think you’re this loving caring son. See? Our system works but that brings me to rule number two…don’t step on another Villains’ toes.

I mean that metaphorically, although, you probably shouldn’t do it literally either (that’s a good way to make sure you’re not included in this years’ census). Villains are some of the most violent and ruthless people you will ever come across. If not for rule # 2, we would probably take each other out so make sure you are on your guard around them at all times. Never trust them, never cross them and never EVER work on a team with them because that would require you to trust them and what did we say about that? Riiiiiight. Oh, here’s a good example, you see that guy over there? Goes by the name Under(age) Taker, we call him The ‘Taker for short. NEVER let him anywhere near your kids if ya got ’em, guy’s got proclivities you know what I’m sayin?

Anyway, just keep to yourself, don’t get in anyone’s way and you’ll be just fine. By the way, Who’s Shinarra, she sounds hot. What do you mean how do I know her, she’s at the top of your contacts list. HA! You should see your face right now! C’mon, breakin in the newbies is boring so I stole your phone when you were lookin’ at The ‘Taker. Ha, ha…Ohh….look who just grew a pair. Maybe you’re cut out to be one of us after all. Alright noob, you want this phone? Show me you’re a Villain.
Come take it!